Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sorrow and Joy

" It used to be that sorrow was an island and joy was the ocean, but now joy is an island and sorrow is the ocean." This quote has been on my mind a lot lately, I think it really sums up how I have been feeling. Losing my mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced. If you have ever lost someone close to you then you probably understand this. My world came crashing down on January 16 one day after celebrating my little birds second birthday. As I watched my mom take her last breaths I felt as though I was taking mine. That's the hard part. She is gone and I am here. My world felt like it came to a stop but the rest of the world kept going. I remember going to get some food late that day because I hadn't eaten anything and since baby bird relies on me for food I had to eat. The people at the restaurant of course greeted us by cheerfully saying, "How are you today?" Everything in me wanted to scream, "I am horrible I just lost my mom how can you be so happy?" Instead I just nodded. But that's the thing. Even though my world felt that it had stopped everyone else's kept going. And at some point you have to jump back in and continue life, though it will never be the same life. So that's what I am trying to do. There is no point in trying to make life like it was before, it will never be that way again. I am trying except this new season of life one day at a time. The quote above may seem very sad but there is a glimmer of hope in it. Though sorrow is much bigger than joy right now, there still is some joy. I am trying to find that bit of joy in the midst of sorrow each day and hold on to it. Some days I succeed in finding it, other days I fail miserable and those are very hard days. Over time I know the joy will grow bigger. The sorrow will never disappear but slowly in time the joy will out weigh the sorrow. I look forward to that time. The things bringing me the most joy right now are my three little birds. They are a lot of work especially when the Mr. is away, but to look into their sweet faces I can't help but smile. What things bring you joy in times of sadness?

1 comment:

  1. Tap sister. Beautiful blog. Beautiful girls. Beautiful YOU! I am excited to keep up with you on here. I'm still praying for your strength. How hard it is to lose the ones we love the most!

    Reminding you today that our God takes away but He also GIVES. Your three angels are precious blessings!!